On of my father's favorite books was "The Devil's Dictionary", by Ambrose
Bierce. For those who have never seen this book, be reassured that it has
little to do with being a true dictionary, and even less to do with the
Devil. Instead, it's a compendium of word plays and games, which express
opinions on a variety of subjects that are listed alphabetically. The
opinions are generally even funnier than the way they are expressed
(although much darker).
One of my personal favorites is the definition of "Coward: One who, in a
perilous emergency, thinks with his legs."
Some for the group that are more "on topic":
"Newtonian: Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe, invented by Newton,
who discovered that an apple will fall to the ground, but was unable to say
why. His successors and disciples have advanced so far as to be able to say
when."
"Gravitation: The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a
strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-- the quantity
of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency
to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how
science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A."
"Effect: The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same
order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other-- which is
no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in
pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog."
"Accountability: The mother of caution."
"Past: That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a
slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts
it from an imaginary period known as the Future. These two grand divisions
of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are
entirely unlike. Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the
Past of tomorrow. They are one-- the knowledge and the dream."
Judith
Eckhart: What is truth? Truth is something so noble that if God could
turn aside from it, I could keep to the truth and let God go.
Howard